It still strikes me as wild and unbelievable that I am in a foreign country, attending college, so far away from family. I haven't been home since I came to California. I think a lot about a day when I will get a chance to go 'home'. I wonder how would it feel. Of course I will be very happy to finally see family. But the thought of them still living the same routine as before I left, and me being [radically] changed, brings some uncomfortable awareness of possible disappointments. I wonder, if I to go back to my hometown after college, how would that be? Will I feel as fish in the sea, or as a bird in a cage? After two years away from [my old life in] Moscow, it feels like all the bridges have been burned. Friends I used to know, jobs I used to have, church I used to attend... Will I be able to jump right back onto that wave, or will it take me a long time to catch it, if ever I will be able to?
I am living in between. I no longer belong to my motherland, and I am not yet fully adjusted and accepted by the new land. I do not know how many of you have ever experienced this, if you have ever lived in a different country and culture for long enough. This is quite a weird and at times terrifying feeling - not knowing where home is, not knowing where you belong.
I still have two more years of college. I hope to figure this out by the end of these two years - where exactly do I belong? At least partially... I got to justify this time of reviewing my identity, I got to get this degree that I came all the way for.
I am seeking help as I continue to raise support for my college expenses. I recently got a tuition bill for the Fall 2015 of $10,800. Please consider donating and sharing this need. Proceed to the link below for the information on how to donate: